Pulp, I Spy
(Different Class, 1995)
It may look to the untrained eye I’m sitting on my arse all day and I’m biding my time until I take you all on, my Lords and Ladies. It’s just like in the old days — I used to compose my own critical notices in my head, "the crowd gasps at Cocker’s masterful control of the bicycle, skilfully avoiding the dog turd next to the corner shop," imagining a blue plaque above the place I first ever felt a girl’s breasts, the whole ‘nana. You’ve got to wait for the best.
You see, you should take me seriously, very seriously indeed, cause I’ve been sleeping with your wife for the past sixteen weeks, smoking your cigarettes, drinking your brandy, messing up the bed you chose together. And in all that time I just wanted you to come home unexpectedly one afternoon and catch us at it in the front room. You see, I spy for a living and I specialise in revenge, on taking the things I know will cause you pain. I can’t help it, I was dragged up. My favourite park’s a car park, grass is something you smoke, birds is something you shag. Take your year in Provence and shove it up your arse.
Buy Different Class. Pulp, previously. More Jarvis.